Am I Integrating As Well As I Think I Am?

I ask myself this sometimes. I’ve been told I look Moldovan, so as long as I don’t open my mouth and butcher the Romanian language, I can blend in. And I think I’ve caught on to little things habits to avoid. For example, do not nod at people to recognize them. It is seen as looking someone up and down. Also, don’t smile too much or greet complete strangers too often. This is seen as flirtation, and flirtation is seen as having meaning behind it.

At the beginning of school last year, I was consistently mistaken as a student. I think it’s partially because I was carrying around a huge backpack to hold all my things. I didn’t have my own classroom, and although I did have a shelf in one of my partner teacher’s room, it didn’t hold much. So I had to carry most of my stuff back and forth to school. Luckily this year, there’s a classroom to keep my stuff, so I can carry a more reasonably sized bag.

At this point it’s hard to know if I’m integrated. But it’s noticeable how often I’m recognized on the streets, and sometimes by people I don’t know. It’s kind of nice because I feel connected with the people and the community.

Sometimes It’s Hard To Work With Moldovan Priorities

I had mentioned how my school has given the English department a classroom to use, which will also be a place where I can work during and after school. And this past week, the priority of the English teachers was to prepare the room. When I first saw the room, I thought I would be able to have some freedom with setting up the room in a functional way so that resources are stored well and in a logical order. And since I would be the one working in there, I thought I would get to plan the basic set up of the classroom. I was looking forward to having a classroom to arrange and decorate with my partners.

However, things weren’t going as I thought (as with most things here), nor are they going so smoothly. My partners all have their own opinions about how the room should be put together, but many of their ideas collide with one another. And many times, they turn to me to take their side. This is the whole reason why I want my focus this year to be getting my partner teachers to work together. They don’t understand how to work together without just letting one person have her way.

Furthermore, I haven’t been able to express what I want with the room. My goal was for the room to have a library-like set-up: lots of bookshelves with resources and some tables to work at. Plus I was hoping to decorate it with lots of posters teaching English grammar and vocabulary. However, my partners are not showing any interest in my opinion. When they ask my opinion, they just want me to support their idea.

Since this is the English department’s room, not just mine, and my partners will (hopefully) continue to use it once I leave, I am trying to be compromising. But right now, it feels like I’m the only one not getting heard. I was hoping to have a room that reflected all of us. And so far, all the opinions I have expressed haven’t been honored.

Even though the opinions of my partners are clashing, the one thing they all agree upon is that the priority of the classroom right now is beauty. When I first started talking to my partners about what I wanted to do, I was talking about how to have bookshelves for materials, a place for the posters, etc. But they wanted to talk about what color the curtains should be. In fact, as I sit here writing this, one of my partner teachers sent two students to clean the plants.

I’m trying to be understanding since part of the reason they’re working on the appearance is because the director wants to show the room to some officials who are coming tomorrow. But it’s really hard to be understanding when I can’t express my opinion of how to efficiently store resources in the room. I keep telling myself that this is a room for them so I need to let them set up how they would like. But many Moldovans have poor organizational skills, and I was hoping to help with this room organization.

I just have to let it go sometimes. But the room is starting to lose some of its functionality because beauty keeps being prioritized. This makes me wonder what the purpose of this room is; to develop and store resources for the English department or to impress others with a pretty room. Sometimes it is very difficult for me to work with Moldovan priorities, and I often feel like I'm working against them. I am hoping that once tomorrow has passed, I can slowly start to change the room to be more functional while keeping up the beauty Moldovans value.

Routinely Dazed

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written anything. And I think that is because I have really developed a routine, and I just don’t have a lot to say about what is now my everyday life. For quite sometime, everything that happened around me was new and different. I had a lot to say about it all. But now, everything that happens around me is normal. I have a pretty predictable routine, and I’m finding it more and more difficult to find things to talk about.

Yes, there are daily difficulties that I face, and yes, there are daily reminders that I am in a foreign country, but since these are daily things, I am used to them. I’m used to being confused a lot, and I’m used to Moldovan food, and I’m used to changing everything last minute. I can predict better when things won’t go as planned, and I know what kind of conversations to expect with others. That’s not to say that I like everything and it’s easy; I’m merely used to it. So even though I don’t have as much to say anymore, it is kind of nice to think that I have a routine. I guess this means I’m integrating.

Beautiful Hearts

When you are in Moldova, you will, without a doubt, hear the word “frumos” every day. “Frumos” means beautiful, and Moldova expects all things to be beautiful. One must dress beautifully, one must speak beautifully, one’s house must be kept beautiful, the table should be set beautifully, the students must write beautifully. Beautiful appearance is a high priority of most Moldovans.

When I first came here, I was bombarded with this word “frumos”. With such a strong stress on beauty, I was beginning to think that this is a very shallow element to prioritize, and I was not sure I would like a place where so much stress is put on appearance. The importance of outer appearance is present in the States as well, but I guess it didn’t bother me as much because there is also a huge push for not caring about what is on the outside.

I soon came to learn that acting and being beautiful is not due to vanity, but rather out of respect for others. One should dress beautifully because you respect those you work with so much that you take time to look well for them. Students must speak beautiful to show respect for the teacher’s work. Learning this made it easier to tolerate frumosness.

Since then, I have come to more than tolerate frumosness, but appreciate it. Moldovans are not stressing outer beauty, but rather complete beauty. Ever since I have been here, Moldovans have wanted to help me be comfortable. They are very friendly and kind to me, and they don’t judge me harshly for my foreign understanding of things.

And this week, many of my acquaintances complimented me unnecessarily. A student randomly told me she liked me, and a couple staff members at school randomly told me the other day that the school staff likes and respects me. And then today when I was explaining the word “foreigner” to the students, I said that I was a foreigner. My partner teacher said that, to them, I was not a foreigner, I was a friend. Moldovans are constantly showing me kindness, and I’m falling in love with their beautiful hearts.

Where Am I?

As odd as it may sound, I sometimes forget that I’m not in America. I just don't often think, “Gee, I’m in Moldova right now.” Even though I’m living on a different continent, people are not that different. It’s not like the people look strange or act drastically differently. People go to and from work, they eat meals with foods I know, friends and families visit each other, children play games outside. And I have all my basic necessities. So sometimes I just forget. It only lasts for a moment, but sometimes I have to consciously think about where I am.

Here are some of the things that bring me back to reality. It might be an odd list, but these are the things that still stick out to me after 6 months into my service.

• When you see someone on the street, don’t nod in recognition. This can be seen as flirting. Most everyone says “bună ziua”. 
• No smiling in photos. It’s not taboo or anything; it’s just that Moldovan don’t smile in their pictures. 
• No whistling inside. This is a superstition. Whistling inside means you are whistling your money away. 
• Acronyms are read as words. Every acronym. 
• Wine is drunk like shots. 
• You can’t have tea or any kind of drink without some kind of food. 
• An empty plate means you’re still hungry. Whenever I finish a meal, I’m offered so much more food because an empty plate means I need more food. 
• Mullets are a fashionable hairstyle.

Goodbye, Herbal Essence

When I was taking my shower today, I finished the last bit of my Herbal Essence conditioner. I bet you’re thinking two things. 1. OMG, it took her 4 months to finish a bottle of conditioner!! How often does that smelly girl shower? 2. So you finished a bottle of conditioner. It’s just conditioner! Throw the bottle away, buy a new one, and stop pouting, you big baby.

To the first comment, I shower enough for now, okay?!?! I even get to shower more than some of the other volunteers. Once winter comes along and the pipes freeze, I’ll shower less than now. It’s an unfortunate “experience” that comes with working in the Peace Corps. But it’s not like I came here with the expectations of having the same standard of living as I did in America.

And to the second comment, it was a sad moment. I love Herbal Essence conditioner. It took me several years to find the conditioner I liked best, and I have been using it ever since. And now, it is no more. I must use Moldovan conditioner. Additionally, my herbal essence conditioner was one of the last things with a smell that reminded me of America/home. And while I’m getting used to Moldovan smells, I miss the ones that remind me of home. Although I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the smell of burning trash. Yuck.

Because I recognized this momentous occasion would soon take place, I prepped myself for this unfortunate event by buying new conditioner a couple weeks ago, which was not an easy task in Moldova. I could only find shampoo. And anytime there was a bottle that looked like it might be conditioner, it was written in Russian, so I had no way of reading it. I’m still half worried I bought lotion instead. That will not help with the greasy mess I now call my hair! But despite the fact I was “ready” for this, when I squeezed out the very last drop, my shoulders dropped and I was sad.

Change happens. Sometimes, change is not good or bad. It is just change. But sometimes, I hold on so tightly to small, insignificant things, that I begin to taint an experience or lose perspective. I’m so busy looking back that I don’t see what is right in front of me, or the possibilities that could be coming. I let myself be distracted from the bigger picture, and I let myself get in my own way. I may not like the change, but dealing with it is just a part of life, and it is most definitely a part of the Peace Corps.

I will be perfectly fine with Moldovan conditioner. In fact, after a couple weeks, I won’t even think about what kind of conditioner I’m using any other time than when I’m showering. When I shower, I will remember that I’m using some make-do conditioner, and not MY conditioner. And I’ll pout, but then I’ll move on.

You know, I think I love Herbal Essence even more now since it’s helping me grow up and mature. Maybe they should include that function in their next commercial.

Developing A Routine

Well, I just finished the first week at school that I think represents a “regular” week. I met with all my partner teachers at the times we had scheduled. The class schedule hasn’t changed in 2 weeks, and I taught all the classes I was expecting to teach at the time I was expecting to teach them. I could predict when the bell would ring. It was nice feeling like I knew what was going on. Although, I’m not sure if calling this week “regular” is completely accurate. It seems that many things can cause the schedule to change. So it may be that a “regular” week is anything but.

If you can’t tell from my lack of blog in the last 10 days, this week has been quite a lot of work. I am introducing to my partner teachers lots of new activities and interactive games for teaching English. And since I understand the activity (as I’m the one showing them), I need to make the materials. So, I have a lot of materials to make. After my partners learn how the activities work and the materials needed for them, they will be able to make more things. Last weekend was entirely taken up with making materials for this past week. I would not have had time throughout the week to make everything and get sleep.

Sometimes it is difficult to encourage myself to make the material. My partners sometimes change the plan (not all of them write the plan down when we are planning together). Sometimes there was a misunderstanding of how an activity will be done. Sometimes there is a misjudgment of time. And there are many other reasons for a planned activity to not happen. So it can be difficult to be motivated to spend so much time on creating quality materials, especially for activities planned at the end of the lesson, since those tend to be the ones less likely to happen.

However, the reaction of the students when they get to participate in these new kinds of activities more than make up for the time spent prepping for the activities that don’t always happen. I really love seeing the students’ reactions. At the beginning of the lessons, they will see me preparing the materials and ask me (speaking Romanian at a rapid speed, of course) what the stuff is and what we will be doing with it. And then they are very excited to participate in the activities. And I remember why I’m a teacher. It’s a good feeling.