COS Conference

I just returned from my COS (Close of Service) conference: a sign that my time in Moldova is also through, which fills me with a mixture of happiness and excitement as well as sadness.

Acutally, I feel like I’ve been a Debby Downer lately. I think it is partly because I’m questioning my value here, and I’m wondering if how I want to help is actually the help my partners want. For example, I’ve been working on developing English resources for two years. And this year, I’ve organized a room to keep all the new resources I’ve gathered and made as a place where the English teachers can continue to share things since they don’t collaborate much. But when I talked to my partners, they are talking about divvying up all the materials, those defeating my collaboration idea. I guess a part of me knew this was the reality all along, but it still upsetting hearing that my goal with the room won’t be fulfilled.

When I realized my goal is not the same as my partner, I began to think about why I was here and why I joined Peace Corps. My primary reason was because I want spread God’s Word though my actions. I’ve always felt the most powerful way to show God’s Love is by leading a loving life yourself by spreading love and peace to others. So I’ve always wanted to show my love by helping those in need. And being a young, single woman, why not help those in need around the world.

Although I joined PC this spread peace and love, I never imagined the enormous effect it would have on me. Peace Corps has tested me in ways I could have never imagined. And with each test, I think I come out a little better of a person. With all the ways PC has helped me become a better person, I can’t help but wonder who is Peace Corps really helping: the host country or the Peace Corps volunteers?

Alone Time

In PC, there is a lot of alone time. I have never had so much time to myself before. Even when I’m busy with things to do for PC, when I’m done, I’m alone at my site. Free time can become overwhelming since I usually have to spend it alone.

With all this alone time, it gives me plenty of thinking time, and I reflect on my actions and thoughts. As result, I think I have become much more self aware. For example, I’ll notice that I complaining a lot, so I work on it.

Furthermore, I’m trying to change the way I think to be a better person. For example, at the beginning of my service, I noticed that I thought I was better than my partners because I was here to teach them new teaching techniques and introduce new student-centered activities into their classroom. But I came to realize that they are teaching me, too. And I was making myself out to be some kind of martyr since I’m working so hard. But when I took the time to reflect on their lives, I saw how much more my partners do. This is not only an eye-opening experience for me, it’s very humbling.

The proudest way of thinking that I’ve changed is learning how to just accept differences without judging. Before, I would view Moldovan differences as strange or bad or wrong. But now, I see most of them as simply being differences. Since I don’t judge the differences as much, I’ve come to appreciate some of them. And it’s made me reflect on how my differences may be viewed. Unfortunately, this means I’m a little more self-conscious, but if it makes me judge less, I’m okay with that.

When I’m not in deep thought of self reflection, I try to find other ways to entertain myself. I’ll try out a new hairdo, or learn how to whistle. And it never fails to amuse me when I just make faces in the mirror.