Special Education

Working in a foreign school system is difficult; I think that goes without saying. But one of the hardest things for me to deal with is the lack of recognition of students with special needs. People are different, and everywhere you go, people work differently. Classrooms everywhere are multilevel; you cannot escape that, no matter where you are. And Moldova is no exception. Just like in the States, there are a number of students with special needs. The unfortunate difference is that “special needs” is not as well recognized, and therefore, not accommodated for. Being a teacher who studied and worked in the USA, this is incredibly difficult for me to work with.

The most common need I see is students with AD/HD. So just to give you a quick background on my beliefs on students with AD/HD, I believe that AD/HD is a diagnosis that needs to be recognized and accommodated for. However, I believe that too many parents and teachers are using a diagnostic of AD/HD as a cop-out, thinking they just give their child Ritalin as a “fix” to the problem. Many cases only need teaching rather than treatment. With the right discipline and expectations, the child can learn (without medication) how to deal with AD/HD. However, that is not to say that I think all AD/HD diagnoses can be approached as such. There are many cases where a child needs a little bit more than the right teachings. But in many cases, I think the student just needs the right teacher.

The Moldavan school system does not work in a way that diagnoses students with specials needs. Additionally, the teachers do not receive training on how to work with students with special needs. And there aren’t special education teachers in the schools.

With an understanding of my philosophy and the Moldavan school system, you might be able to understand my personal dilemma. While I have several students who might be diagnosed with AD/HD, there is a student in my 5th form who clearly has AD/HD, possibly extreme enough to need medication (which says a lot coming from me).

Since I value teaching over treatment, I want to provide this student with the right kind of accommodations. But without all his other teachers helping and accommodating, I wonder how effective I can be. Furthermore, there is the need of sustainability from the work I do. So I have this internal battle: do I give him the time and attention he requires and hope my teacher learns from my example (which, so far, has not proven true in other situations, unfortunately), or should I focus on teaching my partners how to work with AD/HD and deny him some of the help he would get if I personally worked with him?

I don’t know the perfect answer to this, which is often the response I have to the dilemmas I have working in a foreign school system. I wish that answers to my problems could be more black and white. It would make this job so much easier. But if that were true, I guess they couldn’t advertise the Peace Corps as “the hardest job you’ll ever love”.

Survival Instinct

Getting through some days here is a monumental task. Working within a foreign school system provides daily challenges. Constantly coming across the same problems over and over again without any change is overwhelming. Performing what were once trivial daily tasks (in America) now require my full concentration to complete. My mistakes are often seen as jokes, and many Moldovans accredit them to my misfortune of being American. Add in my poor Romanian and no Russian knowledge, you’ve got a very stressed out Maggie.

For example, yesterday I went downstairs to make myself a snack, and my host dad was in the kitchen. As I was trying to put some food together, Roman started talking to me about something. I eventually understood that the topic was about cleaning the kitchen. He was either telling me that I should vacuum or that I shouldn’t vacuum; I couldn’t tell. Every time I thought I understood and said “okay”, Roman would just shout “no okay”, slap his hand to his head, and yell at me for not understanding him. At least I think he was yelling about me not understanding him; I don’t know what he was saying. And all I wanted was a snack. Some days, right?

Anyways, today I was listening to a podcast about Stockholm Syndrome, and the hosts were talking about how those who are kidnapped develop this psychological disorder as a survival instinct to this stressful situation. And this got me thinking about what new thoughts or ideas have I started thinking as a result of my mentally strenuous experience.

Obviously, comparing my situation to someone who has been kidnapped is quite melodramatic. I know that I can’t even begin to put myself in the same category as those so unfortunate as to be kidnapped. I am not here against my will, and I have all my necessities and more. But sometimes hearing about extreme situations makes me think about my tiny problems.

So my survival instinct. For my first year here, I think the main thing to help me deal with my daily stresses was apathy. It took me a while to realize how much apathy I had developed since I had been here, seeing as it was building slowly. But I realized that not caring was helping me get through my difficulties.

My first months working in my school were incredibly difficult, and it was all I could do to not pull all my hair out. I joined PC to help those in need and inspire positive change by dedicating my time, knowledge, and skills; however, I could barely get my partners to listen to me or think of me as a creditable source. So I started by telling myself to not let it bother me. I would then tell myself that when other things didn’t go the way I hoped, and it eventually grew from “not bothering me” to me not caring.

I don’t know if apathy is the right or wrong way to deal with this, but I do know that apathy is not my way. I’m very passionate, and I love caring about things. I happy to say that it’s my passions that have gotten me to where I am today. So when I realized that I was using apathy as a coping mechanism, I was heart-broken. I couldn’t believe I had changed so drastically, and not in a direction I liked. So I made a decision that I had to rid myself of this apathy.

Nowadays, when things don’t go my way, I try not to let it bother me and think about how to improve things for next time. Or sometimes I think about whether or not this requires reflection. Maybe this is something I can’t change, so I need to focus on other tasks.

I also use the small and infrequent successes I have to get from one day to the next. These little successes are what help me get going sometimes, and they are what inspire me to keeping working. And most importantly, they remind me why I joined the PC, something I think all volunteers need to constantly remind themselves to stay strong.

My successes are usually really small, and they don’t come around too often. Sometimes, the most recent success that I use as motivation was from two months ago. It’s not much, but I believe using successes is a better survival mechanism than apathy.

“All evil needs to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”

–Edmund Burke

The Odd Couple

Whenever my host dad is in the mood for social drinking, he asks me to join me. So while drink Cognac together, we try to converse with each other. And as we are talking, we struggle with understanding each other seeing as he only speaks Russian (and very little Romanian) and I only speak English (and a little more Romanian than he can speak). So I’ve always thought that if you can understand Romanian, Russian, and English, you would find our conversation most ridiculous.

Tonight, as we were enjoying a bottle of Congac from our neighbor, Roman and I were arguing about Obama (who Roman thinks is low in evolution since he is black), pets (which I think are companions and he thinks are laborers), and American history (he thought he knew more since he was older and I though I knew more since I grew up in America).

During one of our arguments, my host mom walked in on us. As I suspected, we are hilarious to listen to. Since she understands Romanian and Russian, she understood most of our conversation; she was laughing so hard at us that she couldn't breathe.

Whenever we’re talking, I think I understand what is going, but who knows what is actually being said…except my host mom, who thinks it’s hilarious.

Just A Bumbling American

I feel like I need to apologize to Americans everywhere. I seem to be representing Americans with everything I do. Every time I do something silly, Moldovans seem to blame it on me being American. I don’t think they realize that I’m just kind of an awkward goofball; so, needless to say, I do many foolish things regardless of my nationality.

For example, the other day, I was trying to open a can of pineapples. But I couldn’t figure out how to use the can opener. It’s that kind that just a hook, which you push through the lid and saw it around. I had never used this kind before, so it was taking me a little time figuring it out. My host dad walked passed and noticed. He then took the can-opener from me and opened the can, not without saying “Uff, America” before helping me.

And then another day, I ran into my host mom when I got home from school. She asked me if I was returning from school, and I told her I was. And then she congratulated me with a bit of an overly excited “Bravo”. I suppose she thinks me going to school is a monumental task for me.

When I try to describe myself to Moldovans, the word I want most to use is “silly”. However, there is not a direct translation for that word. The closest variant means stupid/idiotic and has a negative connotation. So obviously I prefer not to use this word since it does not help me in convincing them that I just do silly things and that I’m not stupid.

I also don't think they understand why I laugh at myself when I do something silly. I probably look crazy to them sometimes. But I sure hope they realize I’m more than just a bumbling American. It’s difficult to know with the Moldovans that don’t work with me first hand. But regardless, I will continue to not understand how things work and laugh at myself as a fumble with simple things. And I’m sure I’ll continue to hear “America” mumbled on their breaths as they laugh at my foolishness.

Mission Winter

Well, preparation for the cold weather has really begun. My host mom has spent all weekend and the last couple days bringing the outside plants inside. And if I couldn’t tell from the empty gardens or the lack of potted flowers on the porch, I can’t help but notice every time I run into a potted-tree on my walk to the bathroom.

In addition to walking into a tree on my way to the bathroom now, it is a dreadfully cold walk. I have the luxury of an indoor bathroom, but my host family hasn’t turned on the heat yet. They did provide me with an electric heater I can plug into my room, which has been wonderful. But the rest of the upstairs is as cold as outside. Showers are quite a pain. If the bathroom starts to smell horrific, it will be as if I’m living like a real PC volunteer.

The school of course, has not turned the heat on yet either. So everyone stays in their coats all day during lessons. And the teachers have started to ask the students to bring in packaging tape and cotton, and I’m sure I’ll see them filling all the cracks in the windows over the next couple days.

My favorite thing is coming home to all the chickens loose in the yard. My understanding is they are eating all the remaining vegetables/plants/seeds in the garden before my host dad clears everything out. The best is when the kitten starts chasing them. Well, she tries to; the chickens don’t seem to notice her or care. But she’s so cute as she tries to play with them.

I must say it is kind of nice being here for two years because I get a chance to see things once more. I can finally anticipate some things based on my experience last year. I kind of like saying, “Oh yeah, I remember that last year.” Makes me feel worldly.

Bring It On, Winter!

Well, I guess fall is finally here. And it feels like it came over night. Until today, I had been walking to school with no need for a coat or sweater, and I have been leaving my bedroom window open all day and night. But for the first time this season, it was too cold to leave my window open, even during the day. And when I left for school, I had to pull out my coat and scarf for my walk to school.

The cold air outside is nothing compared to the coldness of my school. Since it’s a large concrete building, the cold nights cause the school to get pretty cold, and the school remains very chilly during the day. Last year, they didn’t turn on the heat until after fall break, which was the first week in November, and we had our lessons in our coats and gloves. It was so hard to keep the students’ attention when we all were so cold. The administration made the lessons shorter because it was too cold to stay for the regular length of the day.

With this cold, I’m bracing myself for winter and all it brings. I’m starting to remember last winter with it getting dark by 4pm and the only form of vegetables to eat are pickled. Yikes. But it’s my last winter, and I plan to finish my service strong. So bring it on, winter!

Teacher's Day

Today, my school celebrated World Teacher’s Day. It is quite a lovely thing to see the students honoring their teachers. Back in the States, we had Teacher Appreciation week, which seemed to be sponsored by the parents and school systems. Here, the students take the initiative to thank their teachers. It’s wonderful to see the students show their teachers they care.

This year, the day began with a little assembly where a group of students thanked all the teachers. They presented each teacher (including me) with a rose and a certificate thanking the teacher for their hard work and dedication. The students even wrote my certificate in English.

The rest of the day had shorter lessons so we could finish the day by noon. During the lessons, the students would come to the teacher to give them gifts and thank them for being their teacher. At the end of the day, all the teachers walked out of the building with their hands full of flowers, kitchenware, and other miscellaneous gifts.

Once the lessons were over, the administration had a small masă for the teachers, where they thanked the teachers for their hard work and dedication. Overall, it was a really touching day honoring the teachers!

Motivating Students Is A Full-Time Job

With all the stress I’ve been experiencing while working with all my partners to set-up the English department room, I had started to forget how much I was looking forward to this new year. I mentioned my new plan about how I’m working with my partner as a resource teacher, meaning I will spend more time helping them develop resources to share in the English department. And even though Peace Corps haven’t approved my new work plan yet, it’s how I’m working right now. The school is still kind of chaotic since the class schedule isn’t finalized yet, so I’m working on resource development.

Early last week, I brought in a game I made for my 5th formers that encourages completing homework called “Homeworkopoly”. It’s a board game based on “Monopoly” that the students get to play when they completed their homework from the night before. There are various prizes that they can win throughout the game, most of which are privileges such as wearing a crown in class or sitting in the teacher’s chair. When I showed it to my partner Valentina, she was so excited. She said she loved it and couldn’t wait to use it. She was so happy to hang it in her classroom and she thought the students would love it. And just in case I had any doubt to the sincerity of her thanks, she gave me a hug for the first time as a result of me providing material for her classroom.

On Tuesday, we explained Homeworkopoly to the students, and their face just lit up with excitement. Positive reinforcement is not something typically seen in Moldova, so the students were surprised to hear they could earn prizes. They seemed particularly excited about singing the “Hokie Pokie” with me.

Today, we were finally able to really start playing Homeworkopoly. The students were so excited. They couldn’t believe they were being rewarded for completing their homework. The students who completed their homework were so proud to show it to me, and they would make the biggest grin when I would call them to come and play. There were several students who didn’t complete their homework, so they would worked on it in class and show it to me, hoping to get to play. I explained that they had to do their homework before class. Based on the responses today, I’m really hoping to see a lot more completed homework at the beginning of the next class.

Seeing my students so motivated was incredible. I don’t see that too often here. Since I was able to spend my time looking up ideas to use in the classroom, I was able to make something that is new and effective in the classroom. Hopefully PC will approve my new plan, and I can be working more with my partners to come up with these types of ideas this year. 

Hram

September 19 is hram (town’s day) for Criuleni. And since I didn’t have school, I was able to celebrate with the rest of the town. Hram in Criuleni was basically a small carnival. During the day, there were lots of carnivals-type rides for the children, such as a moon-bounce and bumper cars. And there were a couple venders, selling things like glow sticks and yo-yos. But the celebration really began in the evening. There was a concert, featuring lots of singers and dancing. The audience often broke out into hora circles, including yours truly.

It was lots of fun. I ran into a lot of students, who were all surprised to see me dancing the hora. I left around midnight, but I could hear the music back at my house, and it sounded like it continued until 3 or 4 in the morning. One thing is for sure: Moldovan’s know how to party. 

Sometimes It’s Hard To Work With Moldovan Priorities

I had mentioned how my school has given the English department a classroom to use, which will also be a place where I can work during and after school. And this past week, the priority of the English teachers was to prepare the room. When I first saw the room, I thought I would be able to have some freedom with setting up the room in a functional way so that resources are stored well and in a logical order. And since I would be the one working in there, I thought I would get to plan the basic set up of the classroom. I was looking forward to having a classroom to arrange and decorate with my partners.

However, things weren’t going as I thought (as with most things here), nor are they going so smoothly. My partners all have their own opinions about how the room should be put together, but many of their ideas collide with one another. And many times, they turn to me to take their side. This is the whole reason why I want my focus this year to be getting my partner teachers to work together. They don’t understand how to work together without just letting one person have her way.

Furthermore, I haven’t been able to express what I want with the room. My goal was for the room to have a library-like set-up: lots of bookshelves with resources and some tables to work at. Plus I was hoping to decorate it with lots of posters teaching English grammar and vocabulary. However, my partners are not showing any interest in my opinion. When they ask my opinion, they just want me to support their idea.

Since this is the English department’s room, not just mine, and my partners will (hopefully) continue to use it once I leave, I am trying to be compromising. But right now, it feels like I’m the only one not getting heard. I was hoping to have a room that reflected all of us. And so far, all the opinions I have expressed haven’t been honored.

Even though the opinions of my partners are clashing, the one thing they all agree upon is that the priority of the classroom right now is beauty. When I first started talking to my partners about what I wanted to do, I was talking about how to have bookshelves for materials, a place for the posters, etc. But they wanted to talk about what color the curtains should be. In fact, as I sit here writing this, one of my partner teachers sent two students to clean the plants.

I’m trying to be understanding since part of the reason they’re working on the appearance is because the director wants to show the room to some officials who are coming tomorrow. But it’s really hard to be understanding when I can’t express my opinion of how to efficiently store resources in the room. I keep telling myself that this is a room for them so I need to let them set up how they would like. But many Moldovans have poor organizational skills, and I was hoping to help with this room organization.

I just have to let it go sometimes. But the room is starting to lose some of its functionality because beauty keeps being prioritized. This makes me wonder what the purpose of this room is; to develop and store resources for the English department or to impress others with a pretty room. Sometimes it is very difficult for me to work with Moldovan priorities, and I often feel like I'm working against them. I am hoping that once tomorrow has passed, I can slowly start to change the room to be more functional while keeping up the beauty Moldovans value.

Mugged Sorta

Well, I can now join the rank of Peace Corps volunteers who have been mugged. And the funny thing is that I was just talking to another volunteer this weekend about how I feel safe here. Theft is actually the predominant kind of crime against volunteers. Last year, there were 11 incidents reported. I guess I’m another number now.

After a fun-filled weekend in Chișinău, while I was waiting for my bus back to Criuleni, I was standing at a table by a kiosk near my bus stop eating a chicken wrap and drinking my Fanta. I noticed there was a man squatting a couple feet away from me watching me, but I ignored him because lots of Moldovans stare awkwardly at me and make me feel uncomfortable. After a couple minutes, he stood up and came really close to me. Some of the women working at the kiosk started yelling at him to go away. And as I took a drink of my Fanta, he tried to steal it from my hand! I started putting up a fight trying to keep my treasured soda, but soon realized that this Fanta obviously meant more to him than me and let him have it.

While I was standing there trying to understand what just happened to me, one of the women working at the kiosk came out and chased the man down to get the drink. At first, I was touched by her kindness. But as she was walking back to the kiosk, the other woman had to tell her that it was my soda. So obviously, she had only gone to all the effort to get the soda because she thought the man had stolen it from the kiosk. As she handed me my herpes-infested soda bottle, I thanked her and tried to continue to eat in peace, NOT drinking my Fanta of course.

My whole bus ride home I could barely contain my laughter as I was thinking about what just happened to me. Somehow I’m not surprised that I’m the PCV that got her Fanta stolen, even though I was carrying my iPod and a load of money in my bag. I should probably reported this right away so as others will not suffer such a traumatic ordeal as I have. So travelers be warned: if you decided to travel to Moldova, don’t worry about your purses and wallets; just be sure you guard your Fantas!

Kitty

About six weeks ago, I came home to find that my family had adopted a baby kitten. It was tiny and cute. I had only recently learned right before they brought the kitten home that we had lost one of the dogs, Charlie. I don’t know happened, but I assume he died. So it’s nice to have another pet around. Plus it’s a kitten!

When I first looked at the kitten, I realized it was very young; much younger than the ages of kittens we normally adopt kittens in the States. So I looked up kitten pictures online (always cute) and determined that the kitten must have been about 3 weeks old. It was so tiny, and it looked very weak as it moved.

Now that she is about 9 weeks old, I see a huge difference. She is incredibly playful and energetic. I’m trying to spend a lot of time with her so that I have one pet that is companion-like. I think it might be working because she likes to follow me around when I’m outside.

I asked my host mom what her names was and she told me Gov…or Gof (I can’t always tell the difference in the sound of “v” and “f’). Apparently, when she was talking with her grandson on Skype, she asked him what to name the cat and he picked this. I don’t really understand it, and neither does my host mom. But it was what her grandson wanted. But whatever her name is, she is certainly fun to play with and good company. And once the loneliness of winter gets here, I’m sure I’ll be happy to have a friendly kitty.

New Plan for the Year

My job as an English Education volunteer is to work with Moldovan English teachers to help improve their teaching methods and techniques as well as their English skills. Last year, I taught 18 hours class hours per week with four different partner teachers. In addition to the hours in classroom, I spent at least one additional hour per week with each partner planning the weekly lessons. I helped develop new resources for the lessons I taught, and I taught my partners some new activities. My days were long and difficult.

This year, there is another English teacher returning to our school from a 3-year maternity leave (which is a typical length for maternity leave in Moldova), so my other four partners are losing many of their teaching hours. The new teacher, Lilia, has asked to not work with me right this semester, which I can completely understanding since coming back to teaching already requires a lot of figuring things out. I wouldn’t want to make an already difficult time more difficult for her. Once she feels settled in, we might be able to teach together.

With all these changes, it would be difficult for me to do the same kind of routine as last year. So I have come up with a new goal, after talking with my partners: as opposed to a partner teacher, I will work as a resource teacher. I will teach fewer hours and spend more time researching and making materials. I will work with my partners to make these things, but I will be making things for classes that I won’t necessarily be teaching. And instead of spending all my time with my partners planning every minute of every lesson, I hope to spend that time teaching my partners new activities that can apply to all lessons and as well as better ways to teach English. Last year, our planning time together really needed to focus on what exactly we are doing next lesson. So this would be more about teaching my partners rather than teaching with my partners.

I also hope to teach my partners how to work together to make teaching easier. Right now, they each kind of work independently of each other. Each of them makes their own things. And when I would plan with each individual partner, the materials we made for that class were not always things that could be shared easily. So now, if I’m working more as a resource teacher, when I’m making resources with my partners, we will make things to share with the whole English department instead of the individual teacher.

Furthermore, Tatiana told me today that our director has given the English department a classroom to use. This means we can make it into an English resource center, so there is a place to put all the resources I will be making with my partners. It also means I finally have a place to work in the school during my free periods. Last year, I felt like a refugee when I didn’t have a class to teach, having no room to work in. With this new room, I have a place where I can spend my free periods at school to work on resource development.

I’m so excited about this potential idea. I feel like I can do so many more useful things with my partners this way, and I think my partners will like this arrangement better. And I feel like it uses my skills and education better. Plus, I think I will be happier doing this kind of work. Now I just have to get Peace Corps to approve this change. Wish me luck!

First Bell

Today is the first day of school. It’s easy to see on my walk to school; all the students are carrying a variety of flowers that they will give to their teachers throughout the day. Normally, the first day of school is September 1, but it was a Saturday this year. In years past, they sometimes will still make the first day of school be September 1, even if it’s on the weekend. Luckily, we were allowed to start on the Monday.

As I walk to school, I can’t help but be excited. I know that this year will still be difficult, but at least I will be back working with students and in a familiar place. Plus, this is the first time that I'm teaching a curriculum that I had taught the year before. And even though I know I will have so many awkward situations, I’m excited to work with the students once more.

Last year, there were so many awkward situations because I didn’t know what I was doing. My partners often didn’t automatically tell me what was going on, so I had to ask. But many times, I didn’t know what to ask. And this year, it feels like that they assume that I know what is going on since I was here last year. So I have to ask more about what is going on then before. For example, when I got to school, one of my partner teachers told me that my main partner wasn’t going to be here for the first lesson. My main partner hadn’t told me, and I ended up waiting in her room for her during the first lesson before someone told me she wasn’t coming. Oh well. But it’s nice to be back regardless.

The day began with the ceremony to start the new school year. Everyone gathered in the courtyard, which was nicely decorated with balloons and artwork. The ceremony began with welcoming the new fifth form students. The director also welcomed the new and returning teachers. The chairman of the executive branch of Criuleni also spoke about the year beginning. A couple students recited the school rules, and of course, several students perform songs. Three students dedicated flowers to the students, teacher, homeroom teacher, and school. The ceremony ends when two students from the first grade and two students from the last grade (which at this school is 5th and 12th form) walk around the courtyard ringing a bell that represents the first bell of the school year.

The first lesson was with the students’ homeroom teachers, and the lesson is about Ion and Doina Aldea Teodorovici, who are two famous singers in Moldova who died in a car crash in 1992. There was one other lesson after that and a meeting for the teachers. It was actually a pretty short day overall, but it officially means that the school year has begun.

Abandoned Buildings

One very noticeable thing in Moldova is the numerous abandoned buildings everywhere. Anywhere you go in Moldova, there are old, run-down buildings. There are both old abandoned buildings as well as buildings that were abandoned during construction. Apparently, a lot of the abandon buildings have some kind of tie with the Soviet Union. Many of them were used by the Soviet Union, and when the Soviet Union left, they took everything that was valuable from the building, leaving the building empty and in great need of repair.

Some businesses might use part of the building, but many of the buildings just sit there unused. The history associated with the buildings often is unpleasant, and no one wants to use it because of those memories. So the buildings stay there untouched.

The buildings that are in use are very simple, yet old and run-down looking on the outside. They tend to be made out of concrete blocks and constructed very block-like. It’s very Soviet looking. Many times, the inside of the building is pleasant looking.

I can’t look at the buildings without thinking about how much the Soviet still affects Moldova. Even with the celebration of 21 years of independence today, I can’t help but think about how much further they need to go to truly be independent of the Soviet.

No More Movies

On Friday, while trying to clean up my computer, my external hard drive, which has all my movies and TV shows, stopped working. I tried fixing it on my own, which didn’t work. So I turned to the internet to find my answer. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find the answer, so I asked for help in a couple of forums. Waiting for a reply was awful, so I distracted myself by keeping myself busy in my room away from my computer for the next couple of hours. Once I finally started to get some replies, it seemed like I wouldn’t be able to fix it. It was very frustrating.

So I made a conscious decision to spend all day Saturday not working on trying to fix my hard drive. I needed to step away from the problem. Once I stopped thinking about my hard drive, I had a rather pleasant day, and I realized how much I had been watching my movies over the last year. It was what I would automatically do when I was bored.

TV and movies have never been a big part of my life. When I was in school, we had the rule “no TV on weeknights”, so I clearly had other things I would do instead of watching TV when I was growing up. But once I was in college, I started watching TV and movies more and more. And I guess it has started to get to the point that this is what I automatically do when I get bored. It’s been particularly bad since I’ve joined the Peace Corps.

So I came up with list of things to do when bored. I wanted to think of better ways to spend my free time. And I needed to be realistic to the fact I might not be able to watch movies as frequently if I can’t fix my hard drive.

Luckily on Sunday, I found a way to fix it. It was quite a relief. Even though I have my movies and TV shows back, I want to remember all the other ways I can spend my free time. Hopefully, I’ll remember how much I enjoyed my free day without watching movies and therefore turn to more engaging actives to fill my free time.

Almost Time For School

Today I went back to school to meet with my partners. I didn’t really do much; my partners were much busier than I, so I mostly just sat there killing time on my computer. Even though I didn’t have much to do, it was nice to be back at school. There is only so much I could think of to do while stuck at my host family’s home. And even though I always feel awkward and out-of-place while trying to work within the Moldovan school system, being at the school is familiar and where I work to make a difference. Here’s the new school year!

Fish and Farmer in Cahul

I just got back from my first visit to a friend’s site. I was hanging out with my friend Maggie in Cahul, which is a southern city on the boarder with Romania. Its population is about 20,000, so much bigger than my raion, but not close to the size of the biggest cities in Moldova (Chișinău’s population is about 794,800).

It was so nice to see what another site looks like. I could see a huge difference in the kind of lifestyle you can have Cahul as opposed to Criuleni, but I could also see so many similarities. The general feel and flow of things are the same. The big difference is just that everything is bigger. There are many more stores and shops. The piața is large enough to find anything there that you need or want. There are many restaurants to choice to dine at (Criuleni only has one restaurant, but it’s very expensive). The grocery stores have a much larger selection.

It took a 3-hour bus ride from the southern part of Chișinău to get to Cahul and then another 45 minutes to get to the center of Chișinău. With pain of travel and the easy access to one’s necessities, I can understand why most PCVs who live in Cahul rarely travel to Chișinău. But regardless of the annoyance of travel, I really enjoyed seeing another site and visiting a friend. I will definitely be visiting more sites in the future.

Site Mates!!

I have finally found out that I do have site mates for this coming year. I’m so excited. Last year was so lonely, so it will be nice to have someone to help eliminate some of that loneliness. Her name is Laura, and she will be working with a cancer awareness project at Criuleni’s hospital.

I met with her today, and I found out that there are two others that live nearby. One lives a village right beside Criuleni on the route to Chișinău, and he can ride the busses that run to and from Chișinău, so he can come into Criuleni very easily. The other lives in a different direction, but still relatively close. The busses don’t run there as frequently, but this summer when I was still working in Chișinău, he would ride his bike to come into Criuleni, so it must be pretty close.

I haven’t met the two guys yet, but I’m so excited to have Americans near me. Having another person to turn to when it gets hard to cope will be incredible. Here’s to an easier year!

The Smells Of Moldova

One thing I remember getting used to last year was the different smells. And to be quite honest, I’m still not completely used to a lot of them. The most common smell is the smell of smoke. Usually, it’s the smell of trash burning since there isn’t always a trash collector. And in the autumn, the air seems to always be filled with the smell of burning leaves.

I’ve mentioned the smell of viceos before, which is like the smell from a million porta potties crammed into one outhouse. I don’t think this is too difficult to understand.

And then there is the body odor. Moldovans don’t tend to shower everyday because many can’t. For the families that have water that comes into the house, the pipes often freeze in the winter, so they go months without running water. Many must get their water from the wells, and therefore take bucket baths. And in the summer, with all the manual labor, there is a lot of smelliness. Getting used to the smell of body odor is very difficult and something I’m still not completely used to.

Moldovan Fashion: Summer

When I came here last summer, I remember how surprised I was with some of the fashions. Since we hadn’t really been told otherwise, I expected rather similar styles, but there were several things that stuck out.

The summer time in Moldova is time to get a lot of manual work done, which means many men are outside working all day with construction of all sorts. The men tend to wear shorts and a wife-beater of some sort, if they wear a shirt at all. Most will go shirtless, even when they aren’t working. And if they are wearing a shirt, they tend to pull them up to expose their midriff in an attempt to stay cool. And for shoes, most wear sandals made of a plastic that seems similar to the plastic used in Crocs.

During the summer, many women wear sheer shirts. In America, these kinds of shirts would go over a tank top or they might be used as a beach cover. However, here in Moldova, the women wear them even in a professional environment. There is no problem with it. And it is acceptable for every kind of women of any age or size to wear them.

Along with the sheer shirts, women tend to wear short shirts or shorts. And they always wear incredibility tall high heels. I’m talking 4-5 inches easily. And they walk around in these shoes all day over all kinds of terrain very gracefully. I don’t know how these women do it. They must have no feeling in their feet. Every once in a while, I have worn my heels, which have a 2-inch heel, to school on special occasions, and I could barely walk on the uneven roads without twisting my ankle. I guess my feet weren’t made for Moldovan fashion.

Moldova Fashion

Moldovan fashion is much different than America. The first thing to know is that it is important to look nice. Looking nice is a sign of respect for those you are meeting with. It means you took the time to look your best for them. This does not mean you must be dressed in suits or formal dresses everywhere you go; it just means that you have taken the time to look nice.

I have also noticed that outfits that are put together don’t necessarily match. The important thing is that you’re wearing a nice top and bottom, not that you’re wearing an orange plaid shirt with a lime green polka dot vest and a pair of dark green plaid pants.

Also, most people tend to dress for the season as opposed to the daily weather. So even if it’s 60 degrees outside during summer, many people will still wear short sleeves and shorts or skirts. And as soon as the calendar marks the first day of autumn, the winter coats and hats are pulled out, even if the temperature might be in the upper 80s. I often get weird looks because I dress for the daily weather. My host mother is very concerned for me if I’m not wearing my coat and gloves when I leave the house in the fall.

Another noticeable fashion difference here is the hair. Women of all ages dye their hair, and the most common color they dye their hair is red. However it is not the red we normally think of as a natural red for hair. A lot women dye their hair a red that is a little darker than candy apple red. I’ve always been a fan of natural-looking red hair, but this red stuck me as odd when I first got here. There is one color that I really like; it’s a dark red that is so dark it appears black and the red shows in the shine of the hair. With all the red hair around, it kind makes me want to dye my hair red again. Maybe I can pull off the bright red hair look.

Manners And Courtesy

When living in another country, it is very easy to notice the manners that are expected in America that are not practiced here. For example, there is no recognition to waiting in lines. I can’t tell you how many times I will be waiting for to speak with sales representative in a shop and another customer comes in and pushes him/herself in front of me without recognizing that I had been there first.

Along those lines, there seems to be little awareness of those around you in general. In addition to not noticing if someone was waiting before you, I have noticed people often stopping in the middle of traffic to do something personal, such as chat with a friend, and it clearly interrupts the flow.

And there is a general lacks customer service. Most of the time, I am helped without any kind of pleasantries. It is not expected to give waiters and waitresses tips, and you can see the difference in how they interact with the customers. Most of the time, you only seen the waiter/waitress three times: when they bring the menu, when they take your order, and when they bring your food.

Cell phones are a priority. No matter where you are, no matter what you are doing, if you receive a call on your cell phone, you answer it. My partner teachers often answer their phones in the middle of class, no mater what we are doing. And when people answer their phones, they don’t leave the room. They just have the conversation there. When one doesn’t answer his or her phone, it is thought that something is wrong.

After a while, I have started to notice some different manners that are practiced here that are not always practiced in America. When celebrating or honoring someone at a party, everyone must give a toast to that person sometime throughout the night. And when you give a toast, you should clink your glass with everyone (for the much larger celebrations, clink your glass with everyone within reach). And when you clink glasses with someone, you should look them in the eye.

Also, you should be much more formal with those of authority. You should address your superior with the formal “you” and just generally addressing them very professional as opposed to casually. Students must show respect to teachers; teachers must show respect to the directors; directors must show respect to members of the Ministry of Education.

The hardest thing for me with understanding the manners that are and are not practiced in Moldova is that they are simply different. Moldovans are not rude for answering their cell phones in the middle of class if it is what is practiced here. It has been very difficult for me to not view these practices or lack of practices as rude. And while I still get annoyed sometimes, I am working hard to look at these situations from the view point of Moldovans. I’m also trying to understand these practices or lack of practices as simple different, not necessarily right and wrong or rude and polite. It’s just simply different. And it makes me wonder what I’m doing or not doing that is viewed as rude.

Moldova in a Nutshell

While visiting American this summer, I had to explain a lot about Moldova and how different or similar it is to America. So once I was back here, I really reflected on how I would describe Moldova in a nutshell.

The best way to describe Moldova is that it’s like the 80s with internet. Many of their practices and beliefs are similar those of the USA in the 80s, but you can see everyone with mostly current technology. The people are not particularly outgoingly friendly; however, once you have befriended them, they are very loyal to you and proud of you. Also, beauty and appearance is stressed, often to the expense of quality. And this is probably due to the fact that they don’t have the money to spend on quality items, so they make everything look as good as possible.

Superstitions

One cool thing about living in a different culture versus just visiting is that I have learned several superstitions. And while some Moldovans recognize them as superstitions, most still believe they are real. I have been told more than once to stop an action because of the superstition behind it.

The most common superstition you will come across in Moldova is eliminating the current. “The current” is the wind created inside a building or car. For example, the current is created in a car when the windows are open. Or the current is created indoors when you open a window and door of the same room. Many Moldovans believe that the current is very unhealthy and causes illness. As a result, windows are often closed in rutiera or bus rides and the windows and doors are closed in the classrooms. This makes for very unpleasant temperatures in the summer months.

Here are a few more superstitions: Don’t whistling inside because you will whistle your money away. If you lay your bag on the ground, you will lose your money or someone will speak badly about you. Drinking cold water makes your throat sore. When throwing out water from a bucket, don’t leave any water in there or it is bad luck. And the one I’m most frequently reminded about: women shouldn’t sit on concrete because it will freeze their ovaries, even during the summer. It’s kind of cool learning all these different superstitions. Makes me wonder what would stand out as silly superstitions to someone living in America for the first time.

Public Transportation

As I had mentioned before, this summer I am working a lot with the new EE volunteers. The new volunteers are being trained in the same places we were trained last year: in villages outside Chișinău. So this summer, I have been traveling a lot back and forth between Criuleni and Chișinău. Therefore, I have to use the public transportation much more. So let me explain about the public transportation here.

Public transportation is a much-needed service in Moldova. Most Moldovan don’t own a car, even in the very rural places. So for many, this is the only way to get around.

The main type of vehicle used for public transportation is called a rutiera. A rutiera is about the size of a 15-person van, but the seat arrangement is much different. There are usually four-five rows with two seats on the right and one seat on the left and a full row at the back that seats five people.

In addition to the rutieras, some villages and towns have autobuses. I am lucky enough to have both autobuses and rutieras that travel between Criuleni and Chișinău. Every 45 minutes, an autobus leaves from Criuleni or Chișinău for the other, and a rutiera leaves 20 minutes after the bus. It’s nice to have such frequent rides; it makes traveling to and from Chișinău very easy. However, many volunteers live in place that only have one bus or rutiera leaving per day. And other volunteers live in such rural villages that there are no rutiera leaving from there, so they have to hitchhike to the nearest village with public transportation that will take them to Chișinău.

Riding the public transportation is no picnic. Rutieras are often very crowded. The seats are very close to each other, leaving little space for your legs. And the width is small as well, making the allowed space very tight. Additionally, once all the seats are filled, the rutiera continues to pick up passengers, who then have to stand. It can get very crowded very quickly. It is not unusual for the rutieras to be so crowded that when you stand, you do not need to hold a handle to keep you from falling. This is not pleasant in the hot and humid summers. Autobuses are a bit more spacious, but they can still be crowded depending on the hour to the day.

Neither the rutieras nor busses have AC. And many Moldovans believe that the current (the wind created when opening the window of a moving car) is unhealthy, therefore most rides are done with closed windows. So in the hot and humid summers, riding in an overcrowded rutieras or buses with all closed-windows is quite unpleasant. I am very careful about which side of the bus to sit on so that the sun isn’t hitting me most of the time of the trip.

The quality of the driving is quite scary. The drivers take curves very quickly, especially considering most of their passengers are standing. And the stops are often quick and jerky.  Riding them in the winter is even worse because the driving doesn’t change much even though there may be snow and ice on the ground.

And respect of one’s personal space isn’t taken into account on the rides. You cannot have a personal bubble on a rutiera or bus in Moldova. And if you do, you will be crying the whole trip due to others violating it. Here are some things that have happened to me on my rides. A boy was consistently sticking his butt in my face while he was leaning over to kiss his girlfriend. The passenger sitting behind me laying his hands on my headrest in a way that caused me lean forward the whole trip so as not to get slapped in the head with his hands. A passenger putting a half empty bottle of beer on the shelf above me without putting the cap on it, resulting in the beer spilling all over me. And these are just a few incidents.

So traveling via public transportation is no cup of tea, but it is all we have. And luckily, it is relatively inexpensive. I suppose things could be worse.

American Vacation

I just got back to Moldova from a 2-week vacation visiting America. It’s kind of funny to say that I’m took a vacation to America; it makes it more real that America is not my home right now. But visiting home was just what I needed. It was an excellent way to unwind and catch up with my family back home.

As it turns out, visiting home did more than just let me eat all my favorite foods. Here are some of the things I realized while at home.

1. I miss American manners. That’s not to say that Moldovans don’t have manners; they do. It’s just I don’t know/recognize them as well. I’m sure I insult people or people think I’m rude all the time because I don’t practice Moldovan manners correctly. But I really miss American manners, such as waiting in line and holding doors open for each other.

2. I found out that I needed alone time a lot more than I thought. During my time with my family, I often found myself sneaking away to be alone. This was not true before I was living in Moldova. But I guess I’m used to so much alone time that I now get overwhelmed by many people.

3. While it is obvious that I miss the important things in life, such as my friends and family, while I was visiting home, I remembered all the superficial things I miss (washers and driers, American food, my shoes and jewelry). When I’m in Moldova, these things have not been available, so I normally don’t have a difficult time missing them. I thought I would have a much harder time living without these luxuries. But it’s nice to know that when I don’t frequently see all these things, I don’t think about them as much any more.

4. I miss driving. A lot.

5. I actually felt ready to come back to Moldova. It seemed like a good vacation time length. I was not home long enough to get bored or annoyed with anything. And while I was sad to leave the people I love, I was ready to come back to finish what I had started.

6. I am still just as lost about what to do in my future. I was hoping that my trip home would help me make a decision about what to do after this. But no. I don’t know what I want to do after this. However, I did conclude that I do not want to extend my time here for an additional year. My program director had been talking with me about staying an additional year, and I was considering it. But I now know that once I finish my second year, I will be ready for the next step in my life, whatever it may be.

7. And finally, I know that I will finish my final here year just fine. Coming home gave me the drive to push through this last year and the confidence to know I will finish it strong.

Okay, I need to go work off all the weight I gained from trying to fit in all the foods I missed during the last year into 2 weeks.

Summer Plans

So with school being out, I will have a different routine for the summer. I will be teaching session in Chișinău to the new volunteers to train them for partner teaching English in Moldova. It’s kind of crazy to think that I’m experienced enough to train others how to teach, even though that is kind of what I supposed to be doing with my partner teachers. But somehow it seems different with Americans. However, I’m really excited to be working with the trainees; they seem like a cool group of volunteers. I have my first session on Wednesday, so we’ll see how it goes.

Additionally, I will be helping my program manager with improving the EE program. I think she wants me to have a lot more responsibilities next summer, so she is asking me to be really involved this summer. I will be observing the session that I’m not helping to teach the trainees, and I will help create a manual (with another volunteer) of sessions for PCV to use the following summers.

In between the times I am in Chișinău, I will organize the materials I made for my English classes, and I hope to create additional resources and materials for next year. And I will be working on a work initiative I am active in, GLOW (Girls Leading Our World).

Overall, I will be quite busy I think. But no worries, I will get some vacation time. I will be visiting America for 2 weeks. And the trainings end early August, so I should get some down time before school starts. Overall, it will be a busy summer, but I’m looking forward to it.

And Now One Year In Moldova

And today is my one-year anniversary of being in Moldova. And what better way to celebrate than to meet the new volunteers. The new group of volunteers came in yesterday, and today we had a picnic to meet them. It was pretty cool to talk with them, and they reminded me of what I was feeling this time last year.

Unfortunately, a consequence of working in PC is apathy. It’s a common coping mechanism for volunteers to deal with misfortune and difficulties. But I do not want to become apathetic. So talking with the new volunteers and seeing their passion and fresh perspective with being here helped me remember why I joined PC in the first place and how excited I was. Nice way to start my second year.

One Year Since I Left For Peace Corps

One year ago today, I left my friends and family to begin my journey with the Peace Corps. I got on that plane to leave for my staging event in Philadelphia before leaving for Moldova the following day. I had no idea what to expect, and I remember being so nervous and feeling completely naïve and unprepared.

It’s hard to believe one year has already passed. This year has been full of ups and downs and in betweens. Looking back at myself one year ago, I can’t help but laugh, and I don't really know why. I guess it's because in some way, I feel like this year has just changed me so much, and in other ways, I know that I have so many more ways to mature. I never expected the ways I would or wouldn’t react to certain things. I’m not sure what the next year will bring, but I’m ready for it. Here’s to my next year in Peace Corps.

Last Bell

Yesterday was the last day of lesson. Normally, on Wednesdays, I have five lessons and one free period. However, students only showed up three of those lessons, and for two of those classes, we watched movies. So it really wasn’t a very productive day.

Only about eight students came to the first lesson, so we played English games the whole time. We watched “Alice in Wonderland” during the second lesson. Only two students came for the third lesson, but then they left for the computer lab to play games. My fourth lesson is free, and no students came at all to the fifth lesson. The sixth lesson had only about half the students show up, but we combined classes with the other sixth form group and watched a movie.

Today we celebrated the end of the school year. The school honored the graduating students as well as the students with exceptional marks. As with all Moldovan assemblies, some students preformed a dance routine and several students sang songs. One of my favorite things that happened during this assembly was the 12 form students invited their parents to dance for one of the songs. And at the end, the 12 form students were given balloons (red, yellow, or blue) and then they all released them together.

The school director also thanked me for my service to the school. She said very kind words about me and called me to the podium. She gave me a gift from the school (a framed painting of flowers) before handing me the microphone and asking me to say something.

Now my Romanian isn’t great, but I know enough to say a nice thank you and talk about enjoying my year here. However, when I’m speaking Romanian, I have to concentrate on what I am saying. And while I was trying to speak, many students came up to me to give me flowers.  I wasn’t able to get out two words without student coming up to me to give me flowers. And so, I ended up having a hard time concentrating on what I wanted to say.

What I was trying to say: I have enjoyed working with you this year. You were very kind and hospitable, and I thank you very much. Have a good summer, and I will see you next year.

What I actually said: You have…oh, thank you…I have…thank you…ah, thank you…I have, pardon…You was very kind. Thank you.

There were probably a few more “thank yous” in there because every time a student gave me flowers, I thanked him/her. Needless to say, I sounded ridiculous.  But I think they understood that I was grateful and happy to be there.

Ziua Mea De Naștere

My birthday is today, and it was a pretty good day. I have never had my birthday recognized by so many. It seems that most everyone in the school knew it was my birthday. In fact, some of my students told me happy birthday yesterday because we wouldn’t have a lesson together today.

Side story: I mentioned how yesterday during my last lesson, only 3 students showed up. During the lesson, they sang “Happy Birthday” to me and gave me flowers. After that was when one of them left. So I think those 3 students came just to wish me a happy birthday.

Anyways, when I got to school this morning, some of my students 7th form students surprised me with cake and flowers before lessons started. Additionally, Svetlana had a cake and a sunflower wall decoration for me. During my first lesson, several of my 6th form students wished me well and gave me flowers. During one of my free lessons, I had cake and tea with a couple of my partner teachers. Svetlana told me that they wanted me to feel at home because she knows that I miss my home. My partners were very kind and told me how they care for me.

During the break, several students wished me happy birthday. In fact, one student came to tell me that he has a gift for me he would give me tomorrow. And some of my 10th form students gave me a flower and a birthday card.

After the lessons, my partners treated me to lunch at the local restaurant. We had traditional Moldovan foods, and my partners taught me about how Moldovans toast during celebrations. First they toasted to my health and happiness, then my parents, and then to my success. And of course the wished that I find a good and handsome Moldovan boyfriend, whom of which they would have to meet to approve.

Overall, it was a great day! It reminded me of how happy I am to be here volunteering and how much I like the Moldovan people. Today also reminded me about how this time last year I was getting ready to move to Moldova. I was so excited to start the next quarter of my life. And I have to admit, it has been a great start!

End of the Year

So the end of the school year is here. This is the last week of school. May 31 is the last day of classes. There are state exams for some grades, so those classes with continue to work with teachers to prepare for exams. However, this doesn’t affect me. I am done with lessons on May 31.

The end of the year is crazy; students are slightly apathetic and ready for school to be over, which is not too different than in schools in America. However, the biggest difference I noticed is the teachers don’t attempt to have any kind of lesson. For example, during the past two weeks, in my 10th form, my partner and I haven’t taught or reviewed anything. All we have done is allowed the students to get additional marks by speaking in English. Sometimes my partner will try to have a conversation with a student and give him/her a mark based on that. But most of the time, the students just recite a paragraph in English that they have memorized. Not really an accurate way to measure one’s knowledge of English.

All of my partners have been using lesson time during the last week as a way to get their grades done. They will assign the students a task, such as read the text or answer the questions, and then they will work on averaging the grades while the students “work”. While I don’t have a huge problem with assigning the students work so the teacher can work (mind you, I don’t really like this idea, but there are bigger issues I choose to help improve), my partners don’t hold the students accountable for the task. So basically, it’s just busy work.

Additionally, the students have now turned in their textbooks to their homeroom teachers. And since most of my partners plan by doing activities straight from the textbooks, lessons are pretty empty because my partners aren’t sure what to do without them. I’m trying to plan English activities and games for my students so the time in class is not completely wasted. However, it’s difficult to get time with my partners to plan together because they are so busy with the end of the school year. And since the whole point of PCVs working with partners is to create sustainable differences in the classroom, planning the activities alone seems in vain.

Furthermore, it’s difficult to keep the students’ attention. The students seem to like the activities, but most of them have checked out. They know their teachers aren’t holding them accountable for the information, so they really don’t try much.

In fact, I don’t think much is being done about attendance at this point either. I have noticed attendance is a problem all year around; the students just skip classes when they feel like it very frequently. However, today was a new situation. My first lesson only had about half the students present. And my last lesson today only had 3 students, one of which left after the first 10 minutes of class.

I’d hate to admit this, but I can’t help but wonder why we continue to have lessons if the students aren’t present (whether physically or mentally) and the teachers aren’t using lesson time to teach.

Host Mom Is Home!

I came home today from spending the weekend in Chișinău to find my host mom had returned from Spain. On April 3, she left for Spain to spend time with her son and daughter-in-law since they just had a baby. So for the past month and a half, it has been just Roman and me.

Although we had no problems and I got the chance to cook for myself (which I loved doing), the house seemed empty without her. She made the house a home, which is very stereotypical of women in Moldova. Also, she speaks Romanian, so when she is home, I have someone to talk to. In fact, this afternoon, she told me about her trip and asked me about my life during the last month and a half. It was so nice to catch up with her.

Tomorrow, Roman leaves for America to spend time with their other son and daughter-in-law. I’m not sure how long he will be gone, and I wonder what differences I will notice with his absence.

Keep Calm And Teach On

Today in class with my 6th form, we were talking about clothes. I reviewed/introduced the vocabulary words with a PowerPoint, I had the students categorize each type of clothing as boys, girls, or both using a Venn diagram, and we played bingo. In the States, I would have not thought much of this lesson. But my students came up to me after class thanking me for the lesson and telling me (in English!) that they liked the lesson very much.

It was a wonderful feeling, and it reminded me how much I love to teach. I forget sometimes with the stress of working in a classroom in a different culture where I don’t get to do what I want. But I when I have a little success like this, it gives me the motivation to keep going and it helps me remember that my work is not being done in vain, which I forget a lot.

I know that this fade of using the poster is overdone, but I never felt the words ring so true until I was teaching in Moldova.

Middle School Again

Have you ever looked back 10 years and thought, “Man, I was such a kid then!” Well, that’s how I feel looking back 11 months ago, when I first arrived here (yep, that’s right kiddos; I have been in Moldova for 11 months!). I think I have gone through more changes in the last 11 months than I did in middle school.

In fact, I constantly feel like a middle school girl again. Before coming to Moldova, I had grown into a person with confidence and self-awareness. I knew that I was far from perfect, and while I wanted to work on improving my faults, I was comfortable with who I was. I was okay with not being perfect. But more importantly, I knew myself and I liked myself. But since I’ve been here, I often don’t feel like myself or I don’t know myself. Seeing as I’m 25 years old and I once felt like I knew who I was, this is a very disconcerting feeling.

Like a middle schooler, I am consistently self-conscious. With every decision I make, I am worried about what people think about me. I guess this makes sense given that I’m in a different culture with different practices and beliefs, and I need to be aware of how my actions are perceived by others. It’s just a little upsetting being an adult and feeling so extremely self-conscious, as opposed to self-aware.

My emotions are all out of whack. I am numb to things that should be upsetting me. But then I’m overwhelmed with emotions caused by a tiny, insignificant thing. Logic is no longer helping me control my emotions. I think this is due to the fact that I had to change my coping methods being in a country away from my home.

Also, I’m questioning my many of my beliefs. Some of them I am making stronger and some of them I am changing. Plus I’m forming new beliefs. And oddly enough, I’m learning about right and wrong again. I’m questioning why things are the way they are, what fairness really is, how I can make the best of it, etc.

I do try to constantly challenge my beliefs because I am always searching for the right one. This is something I have tried to do all my life. But in middle school, that is when I formed so many of my beliefs or built the foundations of my beliefs. And though some have changed, I still believe a bulk of my beliefs that were formed during middle school. And that is how I now feel about the Peace Corps.

I think the best word to describe myself since I’ve been here is awkward. I don’t do things the same way as Moldovans, and they often look at me strangely. I’m starting to not feel embarrassment anymore because I’m embarrassed so frequently. Oye.

So this can be overwhelming sometimes, and I have a difficult time dealing with it. But I’m really looking forward to coming out of this. Middle school was one of the most defining stages in my life; it made me who I am. And since Peace Corps is causing me to go through similar transformations, I can only imagine how much this will define me when I’m finished. I can’t wait to see who I am at the end of my service.

Legend of Criuleni

Today, my students told me the legend of Cruileni. It doesn’t quite feel complete, but here is what I understood: There were two teenage lovers named Crio and Leana. Their parents forbid the two to be together, so Crio and Leana ran away to the Nistru River. One day, they were swimming in the Nistru River during a storm and they drowned. At this place, the town of Cruileni was started, and it was named after the two lovers.

May At Last

Wow! I am so glad that May is finally here. The past 2 months have not been much fun for me. I had gotten sick a lot, and I was under a lot of stress to complete several projects. I’ve had a huge pile of work to complete and it was hard to see when it would finally ends.

Now that May is here, I feel like I can finally breathe. I have completed most of my work for my projects, and school ends in 4 weeks. So everything is winding down. It’s really nice. The weather is beautiful, and I have the time to enjoy it. And I love that it’s no longer pitch-black at 5 o’clock.

The Day of Tricolors

Today is a celebration of the flag and its colors, blue, yellow, and red. Apparently, this is a very new holiday; April 27 was named “the day of tricolor” in 2010. During the first lesson, the school had an assembly to celebrate the flag. And then students returned to their homeroom, where their teacher explained the significance of the Moldovan flag.

And because I’m a nerdy, I found this interesting. The flag has three colors arranged vertically: blue, yellow, and red. Blue represents the sky and peace. Yellow represents the sun and wheat. And red represents the blood of those who died for Moldova.

The coat of arms is printed in the center. The coat of arms is an eagle holding a shield. The eagle represents progress, and the shield is a symbol of defense for the nation. The upper part of the shield is red and the lower part is blue with an auroch’s head in the middle. The auroch’s head is a historical symbol in Moldova representing the continuance of Moldova as a nation. There is an eight-pointed star between the horns, which represents purity. On the right of the auroch’s head is a five-petal rose, and on the left is a crescent moon that represents eternity. The eagle holds a cross in its beak, which represents Christianity. In its right claw, it carries a green olive-tree branch, which represents eternal victory. And in its left claw, it carries a scepter, which represents strength.